Injury Journey

It has taken me weeks to complete this post. I took time in trying to find a way to write this post without being offensive or hurt anybody’s feelings. But here’s the thing, the point of this post is to talk about how MY experience. Today, I came across a post that said, "if people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better." That quote was the motivation I needed to finally finish this post, leave it here, and move on. ~~~~~~~~~~ I never considered myself as someone who needed others to get things done. I always could figure things out, even if it was down to the wire or I was at my wit's end. Things drastically changed after my accident. Life as I knew it changed. I suddenly went from being able to handle things by myself to needing the help of others. There are either two responses from people when you tell them you need help. They either help you or they don't. Sometimes, people try to help you, but not in the way that you nee

The day of my accident I wasn’t sure what emotions I should have. Does anybody know what emotions to have? I was in soo much shock that I trying to assure people around me I was ok. Looking back, it should not have been me doing the reassuring. First, I had no clue exactly what had happened to me. Second, I was NOT ok. Try as hard as I can, there are pieces of my memory that are gone and not coming back. The day of my accident is one of them. I don’t remember my trip to the emergency room. But what I do remember is lying face down on the bed and realizing I couldn’t walk when they released me to go home. That was the first time I cried after the injury. Before my accident, I never considered myself an emotional person. I always allowed myself a cry once a month- normally coinciding with my period. It was basically scheduled. I would put on slow sad songs and give myself 5 minutes to let a few tears drop. Then I’d go on with my day. Outside of my monthly cries, crying was rare. Th

Within a split second, I felt a hard hit to the back of my head. All I saw was black as I tried my best to keep my balance. It all happened so fast. I was in shock as I tried to replay what happened, but it didn't make sense. None of it makes sense. I wasn't scheduled to work that day, and yet I was there. The curse of being on-call. The floor was "short" that day. In healthcare, the floors are almost always short. There are too many patients and too few providers. My weekends were filled with picking up shifts; my weekdays were filled with studying. I had dreams of working as a doctor providing healthcare to patients who desperately needed it. Never in my life would I imagine that one of those patients would be my attacker and the cause of my world being flipped upside down. In school, they tell you about job security. But, how secure is that job when your life is changed? They don't tell you about the increasing incidents of violent patients. Why is some

The problem with brain injuries is that they are invisible. The great design of the human body was for the brain to be enclosed and protected by the skull. On paper, that sounds great. But in many cases, like my own, but the brain still can be injured by extreme impact to the head. Life after my accident has been interesting. It feels like I am in a constant transition of how to perceive the intentions of others and observing how they perceive me. This dynamic is exhausting, but not nearly as exhausting as the process of recovery. Because of this, I often opt out of social events or gatherings. I used to love the holidays. But, after my accident that all changed. Holidays became a burden. Most of the people who I used to look forward to spending time with, now became unintentional sources of stress and anxiety. A gathering of friends, family, and fun has now been changed to being viewed as a symptom triggering environment. If I make it to the location without the ride there causing

Physical/health issues are a form of trauma. Your mind goes through the realization that the body is not doing what it should be and it feels like betrayal. It is betrayal. In my second doctor's appointment following my accident, the doctor warned me that many brain injury patients goes through "emotional changes". It sounded like textbook mumbo jumbo, so I brushed it off. I assured the doctor that I was emotionally stable, and maybe those changes were for the other patients. I started this blog and now I am staring at the screen clueless as what to write. That's the thing about memory loss. You don't know you're forgetting things until you need to remember them- or somebody reminds you. Shortly after my accident I was living with my sister. She told me that I would walk into the room every 5 minutes and ask her the same question. I don't remember doing that. What I do remember is driving to my doctor's appointment [side note: I have NO idea why

It's taken me about 6 months to finally create this blog. It had been an idea for months, but finally doing it was a scary thought. How would I find my audience? What would I write about? Who would read it? Why would I share details of my personal life and health with complete strangers? Would I regret this? It took me about 2 months to decide on the name of the blog. Honestly, I just decided a few hours ago. That's the nature of the beast. Everything takes so much longer to complete, and I never know if I'm doing things right. Thought processing, decision making, concentration, and comprehension. My doctors love to use those words in appointments. Those and some others, but I don't remember the others right now. Maybe, I'll remember them later, maybe, I won't. They don't tell you how long the memory loss can last; they say they don't know and everyone is different. My memory used to be incredible. My first job after college was to memorize legal